you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
