i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
