my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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