I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She bit a glass in half.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
