kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
