I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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