At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
