The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
