No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
