Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
