I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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