jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
