a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
