Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I bet he comes in French.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
