I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
