he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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