they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize