You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
