I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
