ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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