What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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