Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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