I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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