I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
