When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
