i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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