When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize