note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
