I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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