Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
