awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
