happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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