Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Dicks are not precious.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
