I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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