Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
If I die, sorry about rent.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
