I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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