his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
