I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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