he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
