how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
