Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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