i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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