Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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