Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
