Kiss
Puke
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
