He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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