Got a toothbrush?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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