its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
