She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
