Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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