Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
