Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
