its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
