I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
We are two peas in an std pod
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
