My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
