my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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