my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Randomize
