You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
is it fun? or sober?
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