His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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