And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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