at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
