let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She's the barista slut.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
