My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
