What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
