She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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