jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
