I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
